How to reconnect with my 13 yr. old...

I've been struggling with this for quite a few weeks. I miss my beautiful daughter, Ashley. Yes, I know, I see her every day, but we've lost that 'connection'. I'm completely aware of how most 13 yr. old girls are with their Mom's--embarrassed by them, annoyed by their nagging, angry for reasons we both don't understand--but I hoped and prayed it wouldn't happen to us. She's going through a lot, emotionally, right now and I'm trying to give her the space she wants, but I don't know if that's what she NEEDS. I'm afraid that the more space I give her, the further away she'll become. I know that she's still hurting with they loss of her friend, and I just want to wrap my arms around her and tell her I'm here for her, but she's not having none of that. When I watch her with her friends, she's her old self--laughing, dancing across the volleyball court with a huge smile on her face, singing--but when she's with me, or sometimes when she SEES me, it all changes. It's almost as if she doesn't want me to see her happy. As if she's trying to hurt me, in a way. And, I'll admit, it does hurt.....really bad....but I'm trying to keep it in perspective. I'm trying to remember what it's like being 13 (actually, the worst year of my life, I think), and trying to give her what I needed at that age. (Did I even know, then?) All I can give her is my love, attention, and patience. If anyone has any other wisdom, please pass it on.

A kink in the neck.

O.k. does anyone have any wisdom on kinks in the neck? No, not our husbands or kids (hee hee), I mean, literally a kink in the neck! I've been dealing with this PAINFUL thing for a week now. I think it happened during the move, and I woke up one night with it. It starts at the top of my head, travels down the right side of my neck, between my should blades and down my right arm. I can barely type on my computer--and you know how awful THAT is! :) I've been popping motrin for a week--every 3 hours, as I can't stand the ache. Any wisdom would be greatly appreciated.

Update on the "S" talk

I got the o.k. from Tanner to tell this story. As Tanner was curled up in our bed on Saturday morning--after our first night in our new house--I was telling him that when the sun came up, it shone directly in my face. I told him I felt like I was lying on a beach. He, innocently, looked at me and said, "Why don't you go and buy one of those Tampax pillows I saw on t.v." Chuck and I were trying to stifle our laughs and asked him what pillows were they. He said, "You know, those long, skinny pillows that you put your head on." O.k. we were laughing out loud by now. Tanner got the giggles, too, when he saw us with tears and asked what was so funny. Chuck gets out of bed and says, "You have to have a talk with him," as he heads in the shower. Yeah, thanks Chuck! Soooo, the talk began. I started out by explaining what Tampax were used for--yes, he was disgusted, I think; but it progressively turned into "the" talk. I was surprised how easy it was, very relaxed...just the perfect time. I think he was a little surprised, but not SHOCKED. After telling him everything, he said, "Oh, is that why you were laughing?" I said "Yeah," and he said...."What kind of pillow am I thinking of then? It starts with a 'T'?" and I slowly said, "A temperpedic?" and he said, "Yeah, that's it!"...sigh...

If you know my Tanner--I feel sometimes he just gets ripped on a lot of the time. He is very--how do I say--vocal. (Which means he is loud--a lot of the time) I, unfortunetly, get after him quite a bit during the length of the day. He is such a combo of myself and Chuck--emotionally-like me; very silly and goofy-like Chuck. He is always the rule follower, and feels like he has to correct everyone (like myself). He also loves to sing, and make weird noises (like Chuck), that seem to annoy everyone around him, unfortunatly. He is a sweet boy, and always sticks up for his family and friends--and even others that are being picked on. I'm so proud of him. But, sometimes, I feel like I don't give him enough of my time and attention; and, at times, over-parent him. It's really hard for me to just let him grow up. I think it's because I've been directing him his entire life, and it's hard for me to let him just BE. Sigh........it's such a struggle for me. I've seen a "change" in him since our talk, however. I think it was really important for him and I to talk that honestly and openly, and he was able to ask me questions, and I was able answer him then and there, and not telling him "we'll talk later." The cuddle time was good, too. :)

So, every day now, he comes home with a new "girl" story. The girls beg him to sit by them at lunch, he's been invited to a girls house for a homecoming party, and so on. I think the "talk" came at a perfect time in his life. :)

WE ARE IN!!!!!

Yes, we are in, and I'm finally getting a free moment to write. I've been obsessing about getting the boxes unpacked that are in eyesight. As for the ones in the closets, they'll have to wait a little while. We moved in without our cabinets completed, due to the fact that we had to fire our previous cabinet maker. He never showed up to finish the job, and we gave him numerous opportunities. Therefore, we were forced to hire someone new to finish putting drawers in, and the shelving. We also have to redo our arch over our stove...raising it 8 inches higher. We have a gas stove, and I was worried about the possibility of it igniting on fire. Sooooo, yes we are living here, but have numerous things to finish. So, here are a few pictures. I'll post more when we're done with everything.

A Fond Farewell to our 4-wheelers

Yes, we sold our 4-wheelers. Let's all rejoice!!
The reason I say this is because, after much heartache in the last month, after the sudden death of one of Ashley's good friends due to a 4-wheeler accident, I just couldn't bear to have them in my garage. I would be on pins and needles at the sound of one of the engines starting....which wasn't very often, mind you, after the accident. I told Chuck that I just can't let them ride anymore. I can't do it...knowing that those things could kill them if they tip over. We did follow MANY rules, like no riding in ditches, always wearing helmets, no two people riding together, and so on, but they're young and don't think that anything can happen to them. I see Levi's Mom (the child that died) every day, and seeing her heartbreak made this sale so easy. Does that make sense? I just can't imagine losing a child...and I'll do anything possible to protect them (like any Mom). We had a few tears (mainly from Mitchell) after we told them that we're selling them. (We didn't tell him that they are already gone) But I think they all understand and didn't put up any fights or arguments.
So.....so long 4-wheelers!

The other man in my life. This is Sawyer, my nephew, and every day playmate. Love this little guy.

My 10 yr. old son...and the "S" word

I picked up Tanner from school yesterday, and he has some "great" news. "In health, when we reach chapter 3, a nurse is going to seperate the boys from the girls and talk to us about 'girl parts' and 'boy parts'." I asked him what he thought the nurse was going to tell them. "She's probably going to tell us about the "S" word," was his comment. I asked him what the "s" word was....knowing full well what it was. "You know, Mom, s......e.....x," as he spells it out for me. "But, don't worry, Mom, I know all about it already." A little sweat sprouts on my upper lip at this moment. "But," as he proceeds, "I think you should tell me everything, just in case I DON'T know something." I reassured him that I would....soon. He wants to know when, and can we hurry it up already!

O.k. this isn't new stuff for me, having 2 girls that we've already had the "talk" with--or should I say "I'VE" had the talk with, and with them it was so natural and, somewhat, easy. But, why do I find it so difficult with my son? I look into that face and the words just don't come. Maybe it's because, with this knowledge, it means he's growing up, becoming a young man. Yet, I still see him as my baby boy. Sigh...if they could only stay.

The thing is, once you say those words, the "secret's" out, there's no going back, and you can't suck those words back in your mouth. My little, innocent boy.........o.k., enough! He probably knows more than I think he does. He'll probably surprise ME, not the other way around! Maybe I should just let Chuck do this one........then again, after I heard the story about how his Dad told him--when he was 17..."The girls have this thing called a 'period'....(snicker, snicker)" ...and that was it, I think I'll have to do this one, too.

Here are the latest pictures. I love the front door so much, that I had to post a picture of it.:) Isn't the landscaping breathtaking? hee hee...That's next on our list....

The house--before (actually, last November)

We are finally moving!!

Yes, I think this is it! I also think I've been saying that for 5 months now. But I really think this is the weekend. The gas company is finishing up today, hooking up our fireplace--which we will be needing soon if the weather stays like it is, and finishing up our gas ovens in the kitchen. I refuse to move in without the use of my cooktops and griddle. I feel like I haven't cooked a good meal in the year it's taken to build this house. We have been temporarily living in a spec home that my husband built. It's a little cramped--with three bedrooms and two baths for 6 people, but, hey, it could have been the camper (which Chuck, half kiddingly, suggested last Oct.). This house we're temporarily in is beautiful, and I will miss it. It's just not "home." I think the main reason is we don't have a thing on the walls, or even a picture of our family or children anywhere to be seen. We packed all of it away in storage since we knew we would move again. So, to me, it's very sterile. I told Chuck, this is the FINAL move! He is a contractor, and would love to keep building homes, move into them, sell them for a profit until we make enough to pay cash for our dream home. It's a great plan, and we know of numerous contractors that do that, but I want a home to stay in, to raise the kids in, and when they move on I want them to come home to the house they loved as kids.

I'll post pictures today of our new home. Say a prayer that everything goes smoothly.

Yes, this is my husband, Chuck, and I in our glory. He sure is a handsome man, isn't he? The boys love this picture....the girls just roll their eyes. Yes, we are embarrassing.

Welcome!

Welcome to my blog. Yes, I was talked into trying this out, so bear with me. I may need some help from my teenagers to walk me through this....then again, I think they would be mortified if they knew their Mom had a blog. I am so uncool, so they say.

I am a stay-at-home Mom of 4 beautiful children. I have the most awesome husband that has worked his butt off so that I could stay home and raise the kids for the last 16 years. (Shout out to Chuck) Now that all the kids are in school, I have the freedom to pursue other indeavors, but my heart is still at home with my kids. I'm thinking that if I refuse to move on, then maybe my kids won't grow up so fast. Wishful thinking on my part, I guess. Maybe it's really because I'm scared to death to get back into the workforce...yeah that's probably it. O.k...maybe it's time that I grow up. Ugh! Naaah.