Yes, it's been months--over half a year, actually. I can't believe how they have flown by. A lot has happened, it'll take me half a year to post about it.
Fear--I'm consumed by it lately. Just typing the word brings up so much emotion that I don't know how I'll get through this post. I'm hoping this will help release some of it...and maybe get my family to snap me out of it! C'mon girls...I need you.
I'm afraid. Afraid I'm not going to learn to love it here.
Afraid that I won't be 'in tune' to my kids when they need me most.
Afraid for our financial future.
Afraid of not being able to afford health care.
Afraid that my family won't know how much I miss and love them because I don't call them often.
Afraid to move forward because I'm consumed by the past.
But what I'm most afraid of? Not really LIVING due to all this fear! I'm missing out on so much and I'm just starting to see it. I get so mad at myself because I have SO much to be thankful for...why can't I keep that first and foremost in my mind? Is it because it's easier? Easier to keep living this way rather than change? I hate it!
I'm on a mission of change. From here on I'm determined to focus on the title of my blog...the Joys of my life. There's a lot of them...and I'm recommitted to finding them.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Fear
Posted by Chris at 11:23 AM
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3 comments:
Oh, Chris I know how you feel. I felt the same way at every change in my life whether I wanted the change or not. I wish I could make it better, I wish I could kiss your pain away like I did when you were a baby, but I can't and that pains me...
Only know that I'm here for you and even though you are far away physically you will always be as close as my heart is to yours. Dad
Awww, this post brought me to tears....I hate seeing you hurt or sad in any way. I will call you tomorrow and talk over the phone-its too hard to type everything out. Just know that I love you.
That's so hard to feel so stuck and in limbo. We need to connect more--you definately don't need to feel so alone in this! Especially when there are so many people that absolutely adore you. XOXOXOXO
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